When you disagree with someone, there are two ways it generally can go: you can make it a relationship conflict or a task conflict. I encourage you to always work toward the latter.
- A relationship conflict is when you are fighting with each other. You make it personal, and it often drifts away from the original source of the conflict into increasingly deep attacks.
- A task conflict is when you fight over ideas, and these can be brilliant. If you can keep the disagreement focused on the task, the outcomes can be amazing.
It’s like I mentioned last year about arguing like the Wright brothers. They argued because they sought truth, not because one brother desired to win a victory over the other.
In fact, a lack of arguments can be a bad sign. As I’ve heard in various places, the absence of conflict isn’t harmony, it’s apathy.
If you disagree about something, whether it’s conduct of your child, something at work, or something you found online, you should absolutely dig into that and try to get to the truth. If you can keep it focused on the task, and not the relationship, you just might get there.
This can’t be a new concept to me, so I’ll just say that your explanation of it gave it new clarity. I suddenly have some task conflicts I want to step into!
I think we’ve had a few mild ones between us, and I love it! Bring me a good task conflict any day, as I’m bound to learn something new from it.