When you’re at a coffee shop or a restaurant, it’s easy to think of the others in there as simply “extras” in your story — nameless people filling the background of your life. That may be true from your view, but it’s valuable to remember that they all have full lives and stories too. This is the idea of sonder.
A great example of this can be seen in the movie “Groundhog Day”. In this scene, Rita doesn’t know anyone else in the diner but Phil knows the full story of everyone there:
Just because Rita doesn’t know them, that doesn’t diminish their individual lives.
Such is life for all of us. I’ve found it’s easier to extend grace to others, whether it’s someone in a restaurant or a “bad” driver on the highway, if I take a moment to consider that they’re not just “that loud couple” or “that crazy BMW”. They may be loud and/or crazy, but there may be a good reason for it. If you remember that they’re actually humans with full, rich lives like you, it can be easier to keep your cool.
