As another election draws near, the bifurcation of our country continues to grow. While that’s ok to a small degree, as we should believe in what we believe in, it generally goes much further than it should.
A big reason for this is the creation of ingroups and outgroups; either you’re like us or you’re not. In his book “Supercommunicators“, author Charles Duhigg explains it like this:
“Our social identities push us unthinkingly to see people like us—what psychologists call our ingroup—as more virtuous and intelligent, while those who are different—the out-group—as suspicious, unethical, and possibly threatening. Social identities help us relate to others, but they can also perpetuate stereotypes and prejudice.”
How are these outgroups created? Often from people intentionally trying to distance themselves. From the book:
But there was one behavior, in particular, that consistently made people uncomfortable and upset: If a speaker said something that lumped a listener into a group against her or his will, the discussion would likely go south. Sometimes speakers would assign listeners membership in a group they didn’t like—“You’re rich, so you know most rich people are snobs”— and the listener would be offended by the insinuation they were snobbish. Sometimes a speaker would deny someone membership in a group they esteemed—“You didn’t go to law school, so you don’t understand how the law actually works”—and the listener would be insulted by the accusation that they were uninformed.
It’s like the event I went to last year where the speaker made a point to create an outgroup of much of the audience, which was a very foolish thing to do. These situations sometimes happen by accident, but are often intentional as a way to draw closer to those that are a part of the ingroup.
Ultimately, these situations can cause identity threats to the people that hear them. Lastly, again from Charles’ book:
In psychology, this is known as identity threat, and it is deeply corrosive to communication. “When someone says you don’t belong, or they put you in a group you don’t appreciate, it can cause extreme psychological discomfort”.
It feels to me that these kinds of situations are most often intentional, and not just to help with their ingroup, but to intentionally push out other people.
Fight for what you believe in, but be a good human to everyone.
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