There are only protagonists

In the book Overcoming Bias, authors Tiffany Jana and Matthew Freeman make an interesting observation that I tend to agree with:

The world certainly has bad guys who come along now and then, but most of the time there are only protagonists – and everyone is fighting for what they think is right.

Particularly in today’s political climate, I think this statement is dead on. There are likely some political leaders that are “bad guys”, but the vast majority are doing what they think is right, even if you don’t agree with it.

I see passionate arguments about all kinds of ideas every day on Facebook, and while some conversations lead to ugliness, the majority are people wanting what they think is right.

The key to understand is that the other person thinks they’re right too, and maybe they are. It’s unlikely that they’re a “bad guy” out to get us all — they see themselves as the protagonist in their own story, just like you see yourself as your own as well.

Sonder

It’s not unlike the concept of sonder, explained wonderfully here by Seth Godin. In short:

Sonder is defined as that moment when you realize that everyone around you has an internal life as rich and as conflicted as yours.

Understanding and appreciating (or even just admitting) that the opposition is doing what they think is right is a great place to start gaining some empathy to work toward a mutual understanding. You don’t have to agree with them, and in most cases you likely shouldn’t (disagreements can be a good thing), but without empathy and understanding you’ll just continue to be shouting into the wind.