We all get into confrontations with people around us, whether at work or home, but those aren’t always a bad thing. If you can take a breath before the confrontation to determine your goals, the outcome is likely to be much better.
In his book “Integrity“, author Henry Cloud puts it this way:
Another aspect of confronting well is that integrated people care about the results of the confrontation, not just about making themselves feel good. So, they ask themselves before the confrontation, “What do I want to have happen as a result of this confrontation?” If they are impulsive and don’t do that, then they might just care about releasing anger, or forcing someone to do things differently, or getting revenge and making someone feel bad and themselves feel better. But, if they are mindfully integrated, then what they do is desire an integrated outcome. They think, “I want to solve the problem, make the relationship stronger, help the person develop, and empower their development.” So, they confront in a way that is going to bring about that wake.
Some people just go around looking for fights and drama, and they can be hard to escape. However, most of us are wanting mutual success from these confrontations, so taking the time to think about that ahead of time can make a huge difference.
It’s kind of like the idea of relationship conflict versus task conflict. If you can focus your energy on the issue rather than the person, the odds of the issue being resolved will be exponentially higher.
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